London Loves

London has been in the news way too much recently, for all the wrong reasons. So I wanted to make a space where we celebrate the London we know- not the one that’s full of tragedy and police tape. Every … Continue reading

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Jurassic Falls Adventure Golf – 16/04/21

We’re still in Easter holidays here, for another few days at least. And today, Nathan and I were both off work so I decided we would have a Fun Family Day Out that I could blog about. There wasn’t huge amounts of enthusiasm for that, so we ended up with a Fun Family 90 Minutes Out that I could blog about. I know, I spoil you all.

Going far away was one of many things that was failing to raise any kind of enthusiasm. I think we’ve all got a touch of Stockholm Syndrome from being cooped up for so long. So we decided to go somewhere that was only the slightest toe-length outside Highams Park. We’d driven past the dinosaurs a million times on the North Circular and always said that it would be good to actually visit one day. Today was that day. It was so close by that it was barely worth driving but the location didn’t seem particularly pedestrian-friendly and I wasn’t sure exactly how we would get there on foot without having to either cross the North Circular or walk alongside it at some point. So, a 5 minute drive it was. Accompanied by a slightly hairy sharp left turn off aforementioned circular when we didn’t really have the opportunity to slow down before taking the corner. It’s set up to drive to but the driving is every so slightly scary. There’s a decent sized car park though.

Obviously, with These Times you need to book ahead for everything and I’d definitely advise booking ahead for golf as I think they were sold out of slots. It certainly seemed busy-ish. We had a 10:30 slot, showed our barcode to the friendly guy at the entrance and he gave us our clubs. Then we had to mask up to walk through a small indoor bit, where we got a pencil and score card and a ball each. The kids had shades of purple – Eva’s matched her rucksack, which was quite pleasing – and Nathan and I had shades of green. It was all very efficient and we took our masks back off as soon as we were through the building. They’re currently only allowing players to go round in household groups and the natural pattern of one group per hole made it easy to distance.

The less easy bit was striking a balance between actually playing the game and keeping the kids from melting down. I issued a decree that we wouldn’t be too strict about the rules and it didn’t matter if I shuffled Eva’s ball a tad closer to the hole on occasion. The main aim was to all still be speaking to each other by the 18th hole, which we were pretty much were. I also told the kids that the winner wasn’t allowed to brag too much so it took the competitive edge off a bit. Dagnam, I just wanted to give us the best possible chance of actually having a nice time.

It was pretty hard not to brag though, when I got the first three holes in 2 shots each. I’m normally terrible at crazy golf so I have no idea how that happened. I assumed Nathan was going to win (spoiler – he did, but only by a couple of points) and that the rest of us would all throw our clubs down and storm off crying at some point due to our genetic lack of co-ordination. But no, it went surprisingly well. There was one hole that took me 10 shots and there were a few where Eva got stressed so we either let her start again or just plain cheated to help her….but most holes we managed to do in a fairly efficient way. We did let the group behind us overtake around Hole 9 because they were even more efficient than we were…but that was shortly after one of those stressy holes and Eva needed a biscuit and a minute to breathe anyway.

It’s a very compact course but well laid out so you never have to cross anyone else’s path unless they’re overtaking. The dinosaurs are largely incidental but Reuben would have loved it when he was 4 and in his dino phase. I kinda miss that phase.

You never forget that you are right next to the North Circular. It’s a bit noisy and I can’t help wondering whether anyone has ever managed to chip a ball right over the fence and into a passing windscreen. Hopefully not.

There’s also no coffee, which is fine cause we brought our own but definitely something for tired parents to be aware of. The indoor bit has a refreshment stand with slushies and other cold drinks plus a few packets of sweets but no hot drinks as far as I could see. There’s a Turkish restaurant next door which would be a nice lunch stop in more normal times. Turkish food is one thing that Eva actually eats so that might just work for us.

Carrying coffee cups, clubs and scorecards round can be a little cumbersome especially when we also had to carry Eva’s cuddly corgi “Summer”. It was Summer’s birthday, you see, so she had to come with us. Luckily the course was dog friendly:

There are a few tricky parts of the course, especially the last hole where your ball is liable to fall into the disturbingly neon-green stream half way through the hole:

Reuben’s ball went in there first time so we had to fish it out and somehow it then ended up in a different neon-green stream. So we advised Reuben to hit the ball a little harder next time, at which point he hit it so hard that it went off the end of Hole 18, over Hole 1 and almost through the fence into the car park. It’s all about balance.

Talking of Reuben tho, here’s his victory stance after getting a hole in one:

It’s a bit Breakfast Club, isn’t it? I’m sure Nathan would want me to tell you that he got a couple of holes in one too so there you go, I told you. I never did get a hole in one but I got quite a few twos and threes, which I was pretty pleased with.

Eva, meanwhile, would like me to tell you that she got a slushie that was half orange and half lime. Here it is:

The tricky bits on the course were nothing compared to the trickiness of the drive home. A hard left off the North Circular is a challenge but a hard left back onto it even more so. Credit to Nathan that he made it with only a small amount of tyre screech. But then having to deal with the “part time traffic lights” roundabout straight afterwards might be an ask too far. Maybe we should just walk next time…



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Valentine’s Park – 07/04/21

The adventuring continues! We’ve left the borough again today, after Sunday’s jaunt to Islington. I know, this is WILD after so many months stuck in LBWF. Today was a trip on the 123 bus with some friendly friends and a very friendly dog to the magical land of Redbridge.

I’ll admit, I might have thought we’d made a mistake when we went past this shop on the way:

I know Ilford is to the East of HP but I didn’t realise we’d strayed so far east that we were on the other side of Europe. And yes, let’s not dwell too much on what a “Taste of Dracula” might be.

But Valentine’s Park was barely sinister at all. It was as pleasant as it had been last time we visited, when I think I’d been surprised by just how pleasant Ilford could be. What it was though, was extremely cold. Ongoing Covid restrictions mean that pretty much everything has to happen outdoors at the moment, which is fine when the temperature is in the late teens, as it was on Sunday. Today, my phone reckoned it was -1C and, although I don’t quite believe it, it certainly was the kind of day where I should have reminded the kids to take gloves with them. Despite the prescence of a palm tree, this was no tropical island.

They did attempt to play on the the equipment for a bit but quickly got fed up with having cold hands and not being able to grip on to the climbing frame because their fingers had gone numb. Bear in mind, they’ve barely left the house this winter so it was all a bit of a culture shock.

Luckily it was 10:30 by this point and that’s when the cafe opened. A chance to queue inside for a few minutes defrosted them a tad and a round of coffees and hot chocolates gave them enough inner warmth to play a little more. First on the outdoor gym and then on a giant swing just by the stream.

It’s not immediately obvious that there’s a stream there but trust me, there is. We’ll get to that.

The restorative powers of hot chocolate and an oreo muffin only lasted a limited amount of time and before long, we were being pestered for more food. By 11:30, we gave in and called it lunchtime. The cafe provided us with many portions of chips and we put our picnic blanket down behind a little hut that acted as a bit of windbreak, keeping us warm enough to be able to eat the chips and have a bit more time playing on the giant swing by the stream before leaving for home.

Ah yes, that stream. I said we’d come back to it. Given that the theme of the morning was children complaining about being cold, what would be the ideal mitigation against further coldness? Well, I’ll tell you for nowt that sodden feet as a result of standing in the stream is not the mitigation you’re looking for, Eva.

It was definitely time to head home. On the way out, we encountered what Reuben referred to as “the army of pigeons” which, naturally, the boys and dog wanted to run through and scatter. It was only after they did so that I noticed several people sitting in cars, clutching loaves of bread and giving us most disapproving looks. Apparently Valentine’s Park has a strong contigent of pigeon fans. Best to keep them away from boys and dogs…

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Happy Easter!

Happy Easter! We celebrated not only the Resurrection yesterday but also the easing of the Covid restrictions and some sunshine. Triple whammy! What it meant in practice was wandering around Islington after church a few hours and then wandering around Islington in a slightly more structured way for another hour or so, to complete the Easter Trail.

It’s been a long time since we’ve had one of those wandering-around kinda days so I thought I’d share a few pictures with you. Last time I mentioned Astey’s Row playground, it was under renovation and had some multi-coloured boulders whose purpose was very much tbd. Now, two years on, we’ve finally revisited and I can confirm that it’s some complicated climbing thing:

As you can see from the photos, it was quite gloriously sunny for April so we had the first family ice creams of the year from a tiny shop called Romulus Wines Merchant.

We also walked along large stretches of the New River, which was as stagnant as ever, but the pathway is quite pretty and there were loads of Good Dogs to say hello to:

And we hung out for a long time in Nightingale Park, eating our sandwiches on the concrete sun loungers and enjoying the sun:

Lastly, Eva spotted a series of trees on Arran Walk that she said looked like all four seasons in a row. She has a poetic turn of phrase but I can see her logic. Here’s summer:

Winter and Spring:

And Spring and Autumn:

(Not to be confused with Eva’s dogs of the same names)

By our usual standards, it wouldn’t have been much to blog about. But after a long winter of not really leaving Highams Park, it was so exciting to be somewhere else and on a sunshiney day as well! Bring on many more of these….!

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Let’s Talk About Women’s Health – IWD 2021


Last Sunday, I virtually met with a group of Highams Park women (and one man) to mark International Women’s Day, for the fourth year running. This year was a bit of a different format to the previous IRL gatherings but still, some powerful conversations were had and we all went away with a lot to think about.

The conversation has moved on a bit this week, for obvious and horrific reasons. I’m not going to write about male violence today – other women are doing that so much more powerfully than I could – but it is, of course, on my mind like it is on so many women’s minds today.

What I wanted to write about is what’s been lurking at the back of my mind ever since that conversation on Sunday and happily, there is some small action we can take on it. I’ll come to that. The conversation was about how women’s health issues are misunderstood and minimised and just a few days after IWD, I found a prime example. Research led by the University of Birmingham has found that PCOS signficantly increases the risk of contracting Covid. Significantly! This is a condition that affects 10% of all women and a disease that is currently affecting the entire world and it hasn’t even made the papers. I found it because I went looking for it but the only sources I found were medical journals, not the mainstream media. Women’s health is just not headline-making news.

When I shared this on Facebook, the responses all told a similar story to what I’d heard on IWD – that our health issues aren’t taken seriously by doctors and women are made to feel like they’re being hysterical or over-emotional about their physical issues. Which is pretty circular and annoying when you think about it – the same hormones that give us these physical issues also give us extremes of emotion. Yet we’re not allowed to get emotional about it all?

Screw that! We deal with so much, compared to men, and we deal with a lot of it on a monthly basis. Ovulation pain, period pain, mood swings, pelvic floor problems from pregnancy and birth, issues to do with pregnancy and birth themselves, female cancers that don’t get picked up till too late. The whole gamut of symptoms that we are told are “normal”. It’s normal to be in pain every month. It’s normal to feel dizzy every month. It’s normal to struggle with breastfeeding or struggle to get pregnant. It’s supposed to be reassuring but it’s not. It’s patronising and minimising. We want our pain dealt with, our cancers diagnosed and our fertility issues addressed. What Would Men Do?

I said there was a positive to all of this and there is – the government launched a public facing survey on this exact issue to mark IWD. We have a chance to feed back all these injustices and, even if no action is taken on the back of this, at least our voices can be heard. All the context is here and the actual survey is here. It’s only open for 12 weeks, which sounds like ages but it’s probably best to get it done while we’re still thinking about it and before the next thing comes to knock us off course. Let’s take the chance to do something and have our say. It might be painful and emotional to fill out but I’d urge you to do it if you can. This needs to change. Let’s be heard!



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Back to Back to School


Congrats, fellow parents. It seems like we’ve almost done it again. Primary aged kids go back tomorrow and secondary kids follow at their own, test-lined pace. After the 6 month school-hiatus of 2020, we’re all used to understating what we’ve achieved but consider this – this latest break from school has been double the length of the summer holidays but with no holiday clubs, no trips to the grandparents’, no playdates, no cinema, no McDonald’s, no soft play and, for our primary-aged ones, not even an option to legally meet up with another child in the park.

It’s insane, that’s what it is. Pre-2020 it would have been unprecedented. And all at no notice at all. When we got our kids home from school on 14th Dec then were told not to send them in on the 15th, then were supposed to send them back on the 16th but didn’t…we had no idea how long this next stretch would be. And that was just Eva. Roo had already been home for a week at that point. So in many ways, we were as ill-prepared as we were the first time round but this time there seemed to be an expectation that kids would actually do some work rather than just playing Fortnite all day.

We got into the groove in the end. We might have been ill-prepared but schools weren’t and the routine of live lessons and recorded ones began to give the kids’ days a soothing familiarity. Which is just as well because these 12 weeks landed neatly between the Go-lives of two phases of a project I’ve been working on so the idea of being able to take some time off work to homeschool full-time was a bit ludicrous. Don’t get me wrong  – I know we’re incredibly lucky to have jobs that we can do from home and I know our 12 weeks has been nowhere near as stressful as it has been for keyworkers who’ve still had to go to work every day. And our kids have been lucky, compared to the keyworker kids who have had to deal with the surreal challenges of virtualschool-in-actualschool.

Still tho, it’s been a bit hardgoing. And it’ll be nice to think that someone else will briefly be reponsible for one or both of them at some points during this week.  Let’s just hope they’re back for good this time…

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Oh Yes You Are, Captain

You probably don’t need me to tell you that Christopher Plummer, who played Captain Von Trapp, has died at the age of 91. If you’ve been reading this blog for some time, you probably don’t need me to tell you what an obsessive Sound of Music fan I am. I know he played other parts. In fact, we watched “Knives Out” just after Christmas. But for us obsessives, there is only one defining role.

And that’s why I’m choosing to celebrate his long life with ten moments from just one film. Captain Von Trapp, here are your best bits:

1. Dressed Up Putdowns

I mean, here is a man who looks doch schön in a dress uniform and has the medals to show off with. And although I love his “rather warm” Laendler with Maria in this outfit, my absolute favourite bit of this scene has to be the stinging putdown he delivers to Herr Zeller, soon to be the Gauleiter of the geAnschlusst Österreich:

Herr Zeller: Perhaps those who would warn you that the Anschluss is coming – and it is coming, Captain – perhaps they would get further with you by setting their words to music.

Captain von Trapp: If the Nazis take over Austria, I have no doubt, Herr Zeller, that you will be the entire trumpet section.

Herr Zeller: You flatter me, Captain.

Captain von Trapp: Oh, how clumsy of me – I meant to accuse you.

How clumsy indeed…!

2. Oh Yes You Are, Captain

I nearly used this whole quote as my blog post header but thought anyone who didn’t know the script off by heart might consider it ridiculously insensitive. Still, here’s the context – Georg and Maria are having a blazing row about the children running around Salzburg in their playclothes. And Georg momentarily loses his cool:

Captain von Trapp: I don’t care to hear anything further from you about my children.

Maria: I am not finished yet, Captain!

Captain von Trapp: Oh, yes, you are, Captain!

[pauses, then corrects himself]

Captain von Trapp: Fraulein!


3. A Deplorable Lack of Curiousity

Whereas in this scene, he retains his cool throughout…even in the face of mortal danger and the malice of Herr Zeller, who is definitely up for Round Zwei of that trumpet section argument.

Herr Zeller: I’ve not asked you where you and your family are going. Nor have you asked me why I am here.

Captain von Trapp: Well, apparently, we’re both suffering from a deplorable lack of curiosity.

You’d be surprised how often I use the phrase “deplorable lack of curiosity”. Actually, you won’t be.


4. Boots and Guitars – My Favourite Things

Now, if you know me even a little you might know that boots and guitars are indeed among my favourite things. And here is CvT modelling both in one scene! Why don’t men wear riding boots any more? I mean, I’m sure Nathan would if they were readily available. He very nearly bought a Captain Von Trapp style jacket when we were in Salzburg. And talking of that trip to Salzburg, I am so pleased that I got to sing Edelweiss..not on the same stage as Georg did but on the stage next door. I don’t know if we’ll ever leave the country/city/borough/house again but, if we do, Salzburg is on our list of places to go back to.

I also love the look on Georg’s face through the whole festival sequence. He wasn’t meant to be part of the singing group, he didn’t attend rehearsals…and you can really tell. Unlike Maria who, naturally, pulls off a festival-winning performance with no warning at all.

5. I Fell in Love With You the First Time You Blew That Silly Whistle

The first scene between the Captain and Maria is just jam-packed with great lines, from the moment he catches her curtsying to herself to the moment he blows that silly whistle for the first time. Most of the zingers in it belong to Maria (“The poor didn’t want this one”) but this whole exchange is just classic:

Captain von Trapp: Now, when I want you, this is what you will hear.

[blows whistle]

Maria: Oh, no, sir. I’m sorry, sir. I could never answer to a whistle. Whistles are for dogs and cats and other animals, but not for children and definitely not for me. It would be too… humiliating.

Captain von Trapp: Fraulein, were you this much trouble at the Abbey?

Maria: Oh, much more, sir.

Captain von Trapp: Hmm.

[starts walking away. Maria blows her whistle & he turns around]

Maria: Excuse me, sir. I don’t know your signal

Captain von Trapp:  You may call me Captain.

6. Who Should We Hear From Next?

So yeah, Christopher Plummer didn’t record his own vocals. So yeah, Christopher Plummer fancied the pants off the person playing his daughter. Neither of these things detract from the magic of this scene. Only one thing could have truly ruined this song and that would be if the Baroness had indeed brought along her harmonica.

7. You’re Just a Boy, Rolf


Nothing emphasises what a man CvT is more than the contrast with Rolf who is, as we all know, just a boy. He steps in front of the gun, allowing his wife and children to run to safety and disarms his with a set of skills that Liam Neeson would be proud of. If only he hadn’t pushed it that tiny bit too far…


8. To Join Them, Unthinkable

Why was he standing in front of that gun? Because he was an anti-Nazi. Not just a get-along-with-everybody Uncle Max type but a proper 30s antifa. And while it should go without saying that most people are naturally anti-Nazi…well, after all the far-right antics of the last few years, it’s not so much of a given any more. But CvT rips up a Swastika flag. there is no ambiguity about the politics of this guy.


9. Dinner Time is Not to Be Disturbed

Now that he’s retired from Sea Captaincy, I have no idea what Georg gets up to all day in that big house. No wonder he needs Max to move in and entertain him. And equally little wonder that  dinnertime is so important to him. It isn’t like there’s much else in the Von Trapp Schedule. Dinner gets two prime CvT moments, which showcase both sides of his parenting style. The “wonderful new world of… indigestion” scene near the beginning is the more Trad Trapp, trying to reign in the madness Maria has brought to his well ordered table. But by the time the second scene comes round, he’s relaxed a bit. He’s got a plan to offload all these kids onto their new mother and she’s got a plan to offload them all onto boarding school. So he figures it’s time to mess with them a bit. Like any parent, he can instantly see through all that Stiershizz they’re giving him about blueberries and he lets them spin themselves into a merry web before instructing Cook to cancel their dinner. And then walks off, smirking to himself.

So relatable

10. You Brought Music Back Into the House

Oh gosh, I’m not sure I can even write about this bit. I have a rule that when emotionally stunted men get emotional, so do I. Giles, Toby Ziegler, Dr Cox…and, of course, Captain Von Trapp. I cry every single time I watch this. I’m crying just looking at that photo. Don’t get hung up on the logistics of quite how a 5-year-old can get changed that quickly and just enjoy the sight of a man’s cold heart visibly melting. Waaaahhhhh


Thank you Christopher Plummer for one iconic performance. I know you hated it at the time and drank your way through it but even you softened to it in your later years.

So long, farewell, goodbye, Auf Wiedersehen. I’ll like to stay and taste my first champagne. Yes?





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The Creativity Curve

In August last year, I made a spreadsheet and it produced the graph you see before you. I was trying to express in some kind of numerical way how my creativity had slumped during the long months of Spring 2020. I don’t remember the logic I used to arrive at the numbers or even what I was trying to say through this graph. One thing is for sure though – August 2020 Kate had nothing to complain about. Sure, I was tired and the kids had been off school for ages but the infection rates were super low and the option of a couple of days at the seaside or a trip to Legoland were within our grasp.

January 2021 Kate has plenty to complain about…and among those complaints would be a continued downward curve on that creativity graph. Like many people, I had a spurt of creative energy in March 2020 – moving choir and worship online required a bit of creative thinking and that in turn inspired other projects. In Lockdown#1, I was posting a parody song on YouTube every week right up to the 100 day point, when I filmed an epic song and dance routine and then got thrown off course when someone said something mean about it on social media.

Whether that was the trigger for the creative plunge in June, I’m not quite sure. But lockdown lethargy set in and, over the summer, my creative brain shut up shop. I’m not convinced it’s ever woken up again. Lockdown#3 certainly hasn’t seen us recreating entire Perform shows in our lounge or throwing elaborate Dr Who parties for the four of us. There’s been a lot of TV watching, eating and bickering. The kids and I baked this afternoon but that’s the first mildly wholesome thing we’ve done in weeks.

So, what to do about this creative slump? I’ve cut down on my committments this terms and reminded a few people of my limitations, exacerbated by the current lack of mental energy. If you’re feeling similar, I’d recommend doing the same – hunkering down and managing your own expectations of what you can achieve in times like this. Spring is coming and the sunshine may well help us all to find a little bit of inspiration again after such a long and dreary winter. Although vaccinations are being rolled out, this is still a long haul and we need to pace ourselves. We can’t keep up a constant flow of Insta-friendly family pictures for a year without the normal mood boosters of company and activity. If your surroundings aren’t inspiring you, it’s OK to not be inspired for a while.

Or you can be like Nathan and master a whole new hobby this month, leading to an outstandingly prolific level of output. But let’s not compare…



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Why the Masked Singer is the Best Thing You can Watch Right Now

Still January you say? And a particularly cold and rainy Saturday in Lockdown #3000? Lucky we have something to look forward to tonight. Yes, the LWAT Family have fallen hard for the Masked Singer, with the possible exception of the moody preteen who considers himself above all this ridiculousness. Because it is ridiculous. But that’s what makes it great.

I’ve always found it hard to get into TV singing shows because they’re mainly quite dull – once the no-hopers are eliminated early doors, it’s just week after week of earnest young things finding extra notes to put into songs you don’t really care about. And they’re also savage – as the actual singing is so dull, the entertainment comes from how mean the judges can be and how they can destroy someone’s dreams with a carefully-placed “meh”. It’s a bit close to home and deeply uncomfortable to watch.

Whereas, the Masked Singer has no malice in it whatsoever. There is a variety of competence levels on show – tho this season, the vast majority seem to be pretty good at the singing bit – but the judges lavish out praise and hold back on the abuse. The singing competition is a mere sideline in the whole glorious guessing game. And the contestants are already successful in their careers, so the stakes are anything but high.

Instead, the heated competition is betwen the four judges on one side and us at home on the other. Can we figure out who that giant purple blob is before they do? What did those words on the school desk mean? Why does Viking pronounce his name with the emphasis on the last syllable? What does any of it mean?

***From hereoin, spoilers for Season 1 are contained. I assume this won’t affect your life in any significant way***

To start with, I was sceptical about the whole show because I assumed it would be the usual tedious reality TV stars that always turn up on these things – your Big Brother and Gogglebox wannabes who are so desperate to keep their faces on TV that they’ll put a giant duck suit right over those faces. But then I saw on Facebook that Justin Hawkins of Darkness had been unveiled as Chameleon and suddenly my interest was caught. It would turn out that three of the singers would be from the indie/alternative world. That giant duck? Skin from Skunk Anansie. Skin! The angriest woman of the 90s! (And that’s a tough title, given how many angry women there were in the 90s) The angriest woman of the 90s singing opera in the giant duck suit! How is that not first class telly?

And the rest of the ‘slebs were no mere wannabes either. My kids hadn’t heard of most of them but they knew Ce Lo Green alright from Teen Titans Go! and they were suitably impressed that he would take time out of his schedule to bumble around in a monster costume for a few weeks.

Which is why we got straight into the second series. It gives me and Eva something to talk about in a month that is depressingly free of any kind of excitement. We can research together and rewatch the clues videos and scour the internet for fan theories.

Yes, I know it’s all a load of superficial pap but so is Bridgerton and I’m enjoying that too (NOT with Eva tho!) A bit of escapism is exactly what we need in this grey, cold month when the world outside is a dangerous and scary place. If you can overcome your scepticism and give it a go, you might just find yourself agreeing with me…

Disclaimer: Not a sponsored post. We’re just fans 😉



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Let’s Be a Bit More Careful With Other People’s Mental Health

Happy New Year readers! And welcome to the January to end all Januaries. It’s largely cold and dark and we’re all stuck inside once again because of the plague. Truly it’s the most Januaryish month in history.

I’m not a fan of lockdown, as I probably expressed a lot last year…I understand why we’re being locked down again, I support it as an action that needs to be taken but you’ll never see my clicking my heels in delight at the prospect. I am simply not built for isolation.

But one of the worst aspects of lockdown last time was not my own situation but the conflicts on social media when everyone chose to work out their anxieties by criticising other people. It was totally understandable that it all happened that way – it was an extreme time and none of us had ever experienced anything similar. So we had a mass freak out and everyone’s freak outs exacerbated everyone else’s freak outs.

This time, it’s a little different. We should have more of a handle on how this work. So, in my mind, it’s slightly less excusable to attack others on social media just because of your own anxiety. Yet, it still happens. The guidelines allow for exercise with one other person once a day, which for many is a mental health lifesaver. I only manage it more like once a week because of work but still, a takeaway coffee and a stroll through the park with a friend at a safe distance has made this lockdown more bearable than the first. And this lockdown has, in effect, has been in place since November, in spite of the technical tier changes that went on during Advent.

The risk posed by two people from two households, both alike in dignity, taking a walk hasn’t been formally measured but given the mitigations – open air, distance, limited numbers – it seems fairly small. But the benefits can be huge. So it’s frustrating when I yet again see people on social media forbidding others to take that walk because the guidelines tell you to Stay At Home. Firstly, it’s not accurate because the activity is well within guidelines. Secondly, it’s treating other people’s mental health very carelessly. It’s giving others commands that may well plunge them into despair if their only chance of fresh air and company is snatched away. The prospect of endless weeks of confinement will causing lasting damage to some people. When I read my posts back from last Spring, I can feel the despair in them. Hardly surprising when I was grieving the loss of all my hopes and plans, as well as grieving a friend. So I’m taking steps to ensure I don’t get back into that state of mind.

Our words carry immense power and you can say or write them without ever knowing the full extent of their power. Someone could carry those words with them indefinitely while the originator could throw them out into the universe and move on. A political scuffle on a local, group recently led to several private messages to individuals that carried with them threats of legal action. I largely shrugged mine off but what if it had been sent to someone vulnerable? Someone who was already struggling to cope? It could have been disastrous. Our words matter and we need to be careful with them.

I wrote, almost a year ago, about the #bekind hashtag, which I thought was shallow and ineffective. I was right – as soon as the pandemic hit, people forgot all about #beingkind and starting attacking one another. I said at the time we need to underpin #kindness with proper understanding but here’s the thing – we didn’t. The crisis pushed us past that moment and our attention turned to other things. Maybe it’s time to revisit the idea of properly understanding other people’s situations. And if we don’t understand, hold back. Don’t jump in with both feet just to have Our Voice Heard. Consider what someone might be feeling, what the repercussions are. Treat other people’s mental health as if it was as important as their physical health.

Or maybe that’s too much to ask?


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2020 in Review

Oh my, this year has been absolute pants hasn’t it? I couldn’t really think of a way to sum it all up without being horribly depressing so I’ve decided to go right back to the birth of social media and resurrect the end-of-year questionnaire….last completed in 2008 when the toddler was a mere foetus and not the strapping tween he is now. Back then, my life was about going out and doing things and – latterly  – a lot of throwing up (Thanks Roo!) This year…welll it’s been….I think the answers speak for themselves…!

1.What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before?
Lived through a pandemic

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No, and I’m starting to think that’s where this all went wrong….

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes…we have a new choir baby and also there was a new baby that shares my name, who I’d hoped to meet over the summer. That plan got scuppered…

4. Did anyone close to you die?

5. What countries did you visit?
London Borough of Islington a handful of times and Harwich. Do they count? Oh and Hampshire before lockdown#1 happened but I can barely remember those days

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020?
A life

7. What dates from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
13th March – the day we went home from work and never came back

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Not strangling myself or anyone else

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not getting round to refunding my season ticket

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No, not really….remarkable under the circumstances.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My feather fan

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Well, the kids did remarkable well, considering

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Let’s not get political…

14. Where did most of your money go?
Groceries. We have bought pretty much nothing else this year.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Pretty much nothing. Some occasional puppy encounters.

16. What song will always remind you of 2020?
The sound of slightly out of sync worship videos will always be my 2020 jam

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Sadder
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter
c) richer or poorer? Richer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Seen more friends (answer taken straight out of 2008!)

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Staying at home

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Surprisingly enough, at home

21. What was your favourite month of 2020?
August – infection rates were low and we were even allowed to sing for half of it

22. Did you fall in love in 2020?

23.This question doesn’t exist.

24. What was your favourite TV programme?
We have watched SO MUCH TV it’s hard to say. Currently rewatching the West Wing…I did enjoy Staged, tho it wasn’t DT’s strongest look.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

26. What was the best book you read?
How have I not managed to read any books this year?? What else have I had to do??

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
How to play an alto part with one hand and scroll through a shared screen with another while singing the soprano part.

28. What did you want and get?
Wensleydale. Today.

29. What did you want and not get?
So many things it would be depressing to list them all out.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
I did go to the cinema in January before all *this* happened! So Little Women

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
This was before lockdown too! So I went out dancing in Winchester, saw lots of friends the day after and then had a nice lunch at Auntie Sabbage’s house on the day itself. Jeepers, won’t see the likes of those-a-days again! Oh, and 39.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Some manner of normality

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020?

34. What kept you sane?
How are we defining “sane”?

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
This was the year that put me off David Tennant. I mean, it’s been a disaster (but then so was his unwashed hoodie in Staged)

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Got quite into the US election (another answer straight outta 2008!)

37. Who did you miss?

38. Who was the best new person you met?

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020.
Never just assume you’ll be able to buy toilet roll

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Never thought I’d need so many people….

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