OK, this is going to be a bit of a rant, so much so that it’s taken me a couple of weeks to gather the mental strength I need to write it. And I should say that it is not a reflection of the quality of the concert, which was excellent, but more the visitor experience at the venue. Which wasn’t helped by Eventim’s post-visit survey….I thought I might finally have a chance to tell them my grievances but no, it was a many-question survey on their brand partners and whether I was more likely to buy from them after my visit. Two of them were Nestlé so….errr…no?
You need context for this and I’m gonna give it to you. We booked tickets for Undertale way back in April ish, in time to give them to Roo for his birthday in June. Sometime between April and September, we then got an invitation to a wedding for the same day. But it was all doable – the wedding started at 11 (ish) in Richmond and the concert wasn’t until 3 in Hammersmith. As long as the District Line was running, all would be smooth.
Spoiler: It was running. That was not the problem.
We got to Hammersmith around 2:30. So far, so good. But the change of outfits between wedding and concert meant we were carrying a few bags with us. Plus, the tight timing and the need for fuel en route meant we only had 30 mins to queue and get in. Surely that would be enough?
Surely I tell you, it was not.
The clue to all the hassle we were about to encounter lay in an e-mail in my “Promotions” folder. I won’t screenshot the state of that folder but if I told you there were 20 unread e-mails in there just from today, you’ll understand how things get missed.
Like how bags over the size of an A4 piece of paper wouldn’t be allowed in. Which might have been good to flag on the tickets themselves, which were only available on the Eventim app. More on that later.
We were not alone in missing this vital piece of information. And since when was A4 a standard measure of 3D objects anyway? We joined the very long queue snake in front of the Apollo, walking straight past a security guard who also didn’t tell us this piece of information. We shuffled through the queue for about 10 minutes, throwing away our bottle of water on the way as we assumed it would get past the door. The queue went into the yard and then past the building a few times but it was moving quickly and the end was in sight.
Plus, the kids were getting lots of compliments about their cosplay:
Ralsei and Yellow Cowboy apparently. I don’t know either.
When we got to the end, the security guard took one look at our bags and said “Go see my colleague over there”. Now, we weren’t carrying suitcases or anything. I had my handbag on, which is just my standard handbag plus we had one tote bag and Roo’s rucksack, which he has taken to every theatre production we’ve ever seen, pretty much. It is not a huge rucksack. But all three failed the vague “A4 test” and we were waved towards the luggage storage facility, which was a building next to the Apollo. With a queue that stretched all the way down the road.
Now, the sensible thing to do at this point would be for one person to queue with the bags and the others to go on in. But remember that app? That was the only way to access the four tickets and, unless I’m missing something, there was no way to split or transfer them so even if Nathan also downloaded the app, we still wouldn’t be able to go in unless it was in a group. We had 15 minutes before the start of the concert so we walked right to the end and….stood there for a long, long time. More than 15 minutes. At one point we debated one adult just missing the concert altogether and sitting in a pub with the bags but if the tickets were on my phone, then Nathan would have to take that in with him if I didn’t go in and then I’d have to take his so we could find each other and….well, it all seemed complicated.
When I said there was a long queue, you’d probably think that it meant a lot of people being in the same boat and you’d be right. No one seemed to have got this A4 memo and no one had been told about it before joining the first, 10 minute queue. It was hot and there was no shade so my semi-mobile teen just had to stand and lean where she could. Having already walked the long queue, it was pretty excruciating for her to then have to stand for another 30 minutes but I’m not sure what else we could have done. There was nowhere nearby to sit down.
One man was assigned to monitor this queue, which was constantly growing. He assured us that the concert hadn’t started yet…until it did and he stopped reassuring us. Rumours started going down the line that the luggage storage facility was full and the man started getting people to scan a Stasher QR code, which showed “nearby” locations for luggage storage. While I’ve used that app for suitcases before, I’m not sure I’d feel comfortable leaving my handbag in some random newsagent or hotel. As it was, I had to carry the important contents of my bag (purse, keys, phone, work pass) with me throughout the concert and leave the rest in the random storage facility. Because we did eventually get to the front of the queue and manage to hand the bags over but there was a sting in the tale – a charge of £10 per bag. I quickly stuffed the tote inside Roo’s rucksack but was still hit for a £20, non-optional charge. It’s probably not a scam by the strictest definition of the word but it certainly has that unethical feel about it.
The ironic thing is that if we had been allowed into the venue before the show started, we probably would have spent that same £20 at the bar. So they could have had it from us one way or the other but this was definitely the most chaotic way. By the time we got into the auditorium, the show had started and it was pitch black so we couldn’t see where we were going. There were no lights on the steps up to our row, which was near the back so we stumbled and tripped while I was carrying the contents of my handbag in my hands (curses on my formal wedding wear for its lack of pockets). There were also people standing on the steps against the wall, so VK couldn’t use the handrail. She is not great on steps at the best of times and these were not the best of times – fatigued after the long wait in the sun, unable to see and with nothing to hold on to. I’m amazed we made it to our seats and, by my post-concert calculations, had only missed around 8 minutes.
So just a run down of all the things the Eventim Apollo could have done to avoid this:
* Made the bag rule super clear on the tickets and during the booking process
* Mentioned the bag rule when we joined the first queue
* Had people working the queue for the storage facility, taking payments and tagging bags so all we had to do was hand them over
* Maybe not had such a pointless and stupid rule in the first place?
* Had a Ryanair-style bag measurer so no one was trying to do it with a bit of A4 paper
* Delayed the start of the concert until everyone was in (which I think they did a bit but if they took the bags in more efficiently, they wouldn’t need to delay for very long at all)
* Kept the house lights on even just slightly until everyone was in
* Had some LED light strips on the stairs, which we had in WV Reading 27 years ago, so it can’t be that complex.
And, just to be petty, here are two of the bags on the District Line later that day, scaled against the only piece of A4 paper I had with me – a map of Cambridge University. Ultra middle-class mothering there, I know:
I bet you want to know about the actual concert now, right? Well I’d love to tell you but fact is, the first bit was all a bit of a blur. I was so full of rage and shaky after the whole experience that I couldn’t untense for the longest time. I’ll tell you the basics tho and I would say that the kids thoroughly enjoyed it once we were in. It’s such a shame that the bag rule spoilt so many people’s experience.
If you’re not familiar with Undertale, it is an 8-bit video game with music by Toby Fox. It has also somehow spawned a cult following among quirky and/or neurodiverse teens. It follows the story of a small child who falls into the underworld and has to find their way out, battling and befriending various monsters as they go. The music is a lot more detailed than normal video game soundtracks, with interweaving themes for different characters and settings. At the Apollo, it was being played by a full orchestra plus a few non-orchestra instruments like electric guitars. The screen above was showing gameplay from Undertale, which was synched with each piece of music. I only have a very blurry photo from the end of the show but you get the idea:
When we joined the concert, the child – known as Frisk – was being looked after by Toriel, who is a motherly goat kinda figure. Although I know little about this game, I do remember VK’s best friend making a butterscotch pie a few years ago and I think it was because of this scene. The music as Frisk settles into Toriel’s home was very soothing and gosh darn, we needed that after the stress of getting in Then he leaves the house and goes on his journey, full of determination (hence the name of the concert). I’m not sure I entirely followed the narrative but the audience certainly seemed to appreciate it, with cheers at the sight of every new character. Sans, Papyrus and Annoying Dog got especially warm receptions.
By the interval we had more or less relaxed enough to enjoy the music – a visit to the Temi village is always soothing – and we eventually managed to find ice cream, after bumping into a helpful ex Highams Parker. So we were a bit more chill for the second half, although I was balancing mine and VKs’ drinks and ice cream as well as my worldy possessions cause….yknow, still no handbag. We cheered the child on during the fight sequences, learnt more about the mythology of the underground and met the aggressively cheerful Mettatron. The music was perfectly synched to the gameplay and the musicians were really excellent so, as a show, I don’t have a bad word to say. As for the visitor experience? Welll, that leaves something to be desired.
There was one final sting in the Apollo tail – at the end of the concert, we were shuffled up to the top of the venue and told to exit via the fire exit stairs. Which would have been fine except I needed to go to the loo because I’m a middle-aged woman. Also, there was nowhere to throw away our ice cream pots. So after we exited onto the street, I asked a security guard if I could put the pots in the bin, just inside the door. Once I was inside, I said I was going to use the loos and he said “no readmittance once you’ve left”. I looked kinda disbelieving and reminded him that the show was over. Same answer. I tried explaining that we’d been forced out without having the option to use the loos and he said “it’s policy”. So then he said I could go and talk to his supervisor. I tried to find the supervisor but there were so many people going in so many directions that I eventually found the loos before I ever found the supervisor. Unfortunately, this policy also meant that my kids didn’t get to visit the merch stall post-show, which they often like to do at the theatre. So I saved a bit of cash but the venue missed out on some sales.
I should re-iterate that the kids and I have been to many, many shows recently and never had service like this. Whether it’s because it’s a larger venue than most theatres or whether it was because it was a concert rather than a theatre show but it was a bit ridiculous. The sight of hundreds of Undertale fans, sweating in their cosplay in the hot sun and having communal panic attacks will stick with me for a while. I don’t want to generalise but there is probably a higher rate of neurodiversity in an Undertale audience than in a general gig crowd and making these neurodiverse people queue for nearly an hour, miss part of the show they’ve been looking forward to *and* surrender all their possessions feels a little….cruel to me.
Still, for all the negativity it was a good outing. The kids stopped to talk to so many fellow fans who commented on their cosplay and wanted photos…it was like ComicCon for a very specific audience and would have been amazing if the venue hadn’t chosen to squeeze fans for money instead of letting them spend money on drinks and merch instead. Ah well, one to strike off the “return visit” list…
