That sounds grand, doesn’t it? Well, I should clarify that I have not been asked to contribute to the future of London and that’s probably for the best. I seem to be managing several projects at the moment and none of them are going well. If I can’t plan a bathroom, how can I plan a city?
Still, that doesn’t stop me from sticking my oar in. You may well have seen the announcement today that TfL are planning to detangle the London Overground ball of string and name each of its six component lines a proper tube line name. What are the six, you may wonder? Well, I wondered that too and am extremely grateful to Twitter user Jasper Walker for sharing this 2015 proto-tube map which gives us a good idea of what TfL are planning.
Source: Twitter user @JaJaWa
So essentially the Barking line, which runs from Barking to Gospel Oak. The East London line which takes in the old East London line from Shoreditch to New Cross but also the sprawling bits at the ends, to West Croydon, Clapham Junction and Highbury and Islington. The Emerson Park line, which took me ages to find but it’s that stubby one between Romford and Upminster, linking up the District line and TfL Rail. The Lea Valley line, which is actually three lines out of Liverpool Street – our branch to Chingford but also the bits to Cheshunt and Enfield Town. The North London line which takes in a fair bit of North London but also Stratford in the East and Clapham Junction and Richmond in the South. And finally, the Watford local line which goes….to Watford.
But I have my own ideas.
Let’s take that list in reverse order. I don’t have a beef with the Watford line. I mean, if you want to go anywhere on that line that’s not Basically Watford, then you’d take the Bakerloo line wouldn’t you? So it really is for people who love to go to Watford. I’m not one of those people cause yknow, traumatic memories but there are probably people who have never vomited at a Singalong Sound of Music in those parts. And that’s not even the trauma I’m talking about.
(I was pregnant with Reuben at the time. There weren’t many places I didn’t vomit)
The North London line I’m not so keen on. There are so many stations along that line that are not, by any stretch of the imagination, in North London. Hackney? Kew Gardens? Acton? So I’ve gone with the mildly fanciful Lavenderfield line. It’s named after Lavender Hill at one end – which is the road that Clapham Junction station is on – and Westfield at Stratford at the other. Along the way, it passes by another Westfield at Shepherd’s Bush and the Richmond branch sweeps past the aforementioned Kew Gardens, which makes the plants references quite appropriate. If only it stopped at London Fields, it would be perfect but it goes pretty darn close. And of course Hampstead Heath takes up a chunk of the line in the middle and that’s basically one big field, right?
Almost as fanciful is my choice for our part of the world – Liverpool Street to Chingford, Cheshunt and Enfield Town. We have the Waterloo & City and the Hammersmith & City so why not the Forest & City? It’s the perfect name for the Chingford branch because when you get off at Chingford, you can be in Epping Forest in five minutes. And at the other end, you step out into the heart of the City of London. Admittedly, it’s not so perfect when you think about alighting in Enfield Town, which I haven’t been to but Streetview suggests the station surrounds are mainly betting shops and Chubby Burgers. Or Cheshunt, which might be pleasant but is a bit of a trek from Epping Forest. So yeah, I entirely named it after the Chingford branch. So sue me.
The Emerson Park line is a funny little line which deserves one of those funny little names that tourists love so much. It goes from Romford to Upminster so how about the Rompup line? It trips off the tongue like Pimlico does and makes the whole RM postcode area sound much more whimsical than it actually is.
As for the East London line – again that needs a little geographical realigning. Peckham isn’t East London and neither is Dalston really – despite its E postcode, it’s right on the cusp of Ns 1 and 16. But what *do* these areas have in common? That’s right! I present to you the Hipster line. When you think about it, it makes total sense for a line that links Shoreditch and Hackney to Peckham and New Cross. I mean, Peckham was never hipster when we lived near there but apparently times have changed. Even when we were there a few years back, times did indeed seem to be changing….it was all toddler indie discos and flat whites instead of stabbing and suspicious pic n mix.
That leaves just one, which in some ways is the easiest. Why would you mess with perfection? The Gospel Oak to Barking Line has forever been the Goblin line and has always proved itself worthy of the name as it does indeed seem to be run by very angry goblins who love 2-carriage trains. Even if it does get renamed, no one will ever call it anything else.
So there we go….TfL, my consulting services come at a very reasonable price….I look forward to my complimentary Oyster card arriving in the post anytime now…
