London With a Teenager

Play, Explore, Create at the V&A – 27/10/17

Posted on October 27, 2017 by katese11

We’ve had something of a theme this half term – I had lunch with my friend Vicki on Tuesday, Wetlands with cousin Vicky on Wednesday and today the Mamma of all Victorias – the Victoria and Albert Museum. And we travelled on the Victoria Line, naturally. I only regret that we didn’t meet up with another Vicky yesterday, though we did spot a Victoria in Tesco. It’s appropriate because Roo’s studying Victorians at school. So when we got to the V&A we were all ready to spend a day learning about the Vic…..Georgians. Ah well. We’re getting sick of Victorians anyway.

The event was a family performance workshop hosted by Chickenshed Kensington & Chelsea, who I believe were involved in the show we went to at the RAH a few months back. The idea was for kids and adults to work together to put on a show in a day and mainly the adults were happy to get involved. I certainly was. Work panto notwithstanding, it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to do any drama and why should the kids get all the fun?

The day ran from 10-4, with three breaks built in and the first 30 mins or so was a craft activity while people arrived – making invitations for the show we were going to put on later in the afternoon, with a pile of pictures of Georgians to cut out and stick on. We all enjoyed that but the kids were mainly excited about what was coming next. We divided up into three groups and did a getting to know you kinda game (say your name with actions – I panicked and did jazz hands. I’ve clearly been SwingTraining too much) and some improv, forming a spooky forest with our bodies.

Next up was some storytelling, from Diane who brought the Bible story of the Queen of Sheba to life with a great deal of drama and the music of Handel. In case you were wondering what the link between the Georgians and the Old Testament was. It was very interactive and nice to add a bit of variety into the day.

Then back into our three groups to prepare three scenes for the show. Our group had a scene about a pickpocket gang who charged rich people to get their stolen goods back. We all practised our evil laughs and pinching fingers and, most importantly, our lines. Because we only had a day to put it all together, we were allowed to keep scripts with us and both kids did have to use theirs to read from. Because of that, I’d say that Eva was probably as young as you could practically be to get the full benefit of the workshop – she could read enough to get her lines right but a younger child might have struggled. Although there were younger ones there and they seemed to enjoy the dressing up and the dancing.

Once we’d perfected our scene, we performed it to the other two groups and watched theirs – an etiquette guide for Georgian Lords and Ladies and a sketch about two rival opera singers who had a fight on stage. Then there was a short break, where the kids wolfed down some sandwiches – it was 11:45 and drama is hungry work – then we went on a walk together to the Europe Gallery.

There we met Diane again, this time dressed as the Georgian Lady Charlotte. She taught us how to bow and curtesy and then went on to talk a bit more about Handel, including teaching us how to greet him in the three languages he spoke – German, Italian and English. We were right by the display of Regency-era instruments and so she could show us the kind of harpsichord that Handel would have played. I was thrilled to find a real life hurdy gurdy for reasons that would probably only make sense to my oldest nephew.

We all dressed up in Georgian hats or flowery headbands and, accessorised with flags and fans, we processed together to the statue of Handel, giving out our invitations to the show on the way. Then we did some freestyle Georgian dancing around the statue itself. I’m aware as I write this that it all sounds like a weird dream but I swear it actually happened. Look, here are the kids, dressed as Georgians, in the music room:

Time for lunch and a step back into the real world. The kids had a constant squabble going over these two spinny chairs at the entrance to the Sackler Centre, so I marched them straight past and into the John Madejski Garden, which I assume is named after the football stadium in Reading. It was sunny on one side of the garden and warm enough to sit out without a coat but possibly not warm enough to go paddling. But try telling Eva that:

It’s OK. She sun-dried herself and warmed up by running a lap of the pool. It would have been nice if she’d told me that’s what she was doing, because I panicked and just thought she was running off into a crowd of people to get herself lost. How foolish I am.

Did I mention that Pluto the homework dog was with us?Because he was, oh yes. Lucky Pluto and lucky us.

Powered up with snacks and coffee from the stall in the corner, we went back to the auditorium to keep working on the show. This section involved a song and dance routine to Pink’s “Get the Party Started”. With Georgian-themed lyrics and harpsichord accompaniment, of course. Roo enjoyed the bit where the party got really wild and he had to fall over in slow motion. Eva liked the bit where we were pretending to put on Georgian make up. If that surprises you, you clearly haven’t met my kids.

Showtime was getting near, so we chose some outfits. Roo was sporting this rather natty jacket:

And Eve had what looked a bit like a Marilyn Monroe dress, that I hitched up at the top and back so that she didn’t fall over.

Then the audience came in, we performed our show and it all went pretty well. Both kids remembered their cues and no-one vomited on stage, so I call that a success.

By now it was 4PM and the sensible thing would have been to get on the tube before rush hour. But I’ve not often been known to do the sensible thing over half term and so instead we went for a cup of jelly with my cousin and her family at the Science Museum because they just happened to be there. It quickly became apparent that the kids had run out of Good Behaviour and so then we really did head for the tube, which was bound to be horrendous at 5:15 on a Friday.

So I pulled what I consider to be a genius move. Often in these kinda circumstances I’ll buy them a magazine each to try and keep them occupied on the packed train but there aren’t huge numbers of magazine outlets in South Ken. However, there is a small bookshop next to the tube, which carries a very reasonably priced selection of kids’ books so for the price of two magazines, we got a Where’s Wally book and a fairytales book and that kept them quiet all the way to Walthamstow, even though we were standing to Green Park and then awkwardly sharing two seats between three to Finsbury Park. Roo didn’t even really look up from his Wally-finding when we were changing onto the Vic line, except when he spotted a Where’s Wally poster on the station wall, which he thought was a remarkable coincidence. Incidentally, the ES magazine I picked up also worked quite well for keeping Eva entertained – she likes to look at all the pretty girls and dresses and decide which dress she’d like the most. Yes, I know. What can I do with this one?

After all that, I was pretty exhausted but what a fun day and all for free! (Except the copious amounts of caffeine). It’s rare to find something where parents and kids are encouraged to perform together and I really liked doing it. And it was great to see some of the V&A treasures as well. Keep and eye on the Chickenshed and V&A websites in case they do another one cause I would definitely recommend it.

Posted in Token attempts at culture (museums) | Tagged art, coffee, museum, music, theatre, West London | 1 Comment

So. We’re Debating Working Motherhood Again. Oh Good.

Posted on October 27, 2017 by katese11

There comes a point in parenthood where you’re just kinda rolling along, in your routine and your roles not really overthinking what you’re doing. Kids to school, parents to work. What you’ve done for ages. Past the point of doing things that need to be endlessly debated by strangers on the internet – no longer breastfeeding, or potty training or weaning or babywearing or anything that’s particularly controversial. They’ve even both learnt to read now. The “frantic googling” stage of parenting is taking a break from now until puberty.

But then someone says something and a debate breaks out, and it’s about something that you hadn’t even considered might be anything to argue about. Yes, it’s working motherhood. And everyone seems to have an opinion about it, kicked off by that most contemporary of commentators Esther Rantzen.

I don’t talk about work too much on the internet but I’ll just say this – I have the perfect set up. A job I enjoy and it fits into school hours. I can drop the kids off every day and pick them up again. I miss no time with them at all because unless we were home schooling, we’d not be hanging out together between the hours of 9 and 3:30 anyway. There’s currently very little guilt attached to working, unlike the early days of working motherhood, where a screaming Roo ended up in the reception area of Nathan’s office because he just wouldn’t settle at the childminder. True, I miss some things at school but I normally manage to tweak work hours a bit to catch a school play or send Nathan to a Sports Day. Working keeps me sane and I’m a better parent for having something outside the home to focus on. Look how focused I am in my “Scarf of Working Motherhood” in the picture above.

( I’ll say right now that this post isn’t a dig at any mothers who don’t consider themselves to be working outside the home, it’s just a view from a working parent who feels under attack this week. More on that later.)

So why am I coming back to the swamp of despair on this seemingly innocuous area of parenthood? Well, here’s some of the things that have been said about working mothers recently. The aforementioned Esther Rantzen article for The Telegraph looked at the rise in levels of depression and anxiety among children and planted the blame firmly at the door “the decline of the housewife”. Working mothers, by any other name.

There are a myriad of reasons why children are now seeking more help with depression than ever before. I’d be inclined to cast an eye towards the new, compressed curriculum that sees my 8yo not doing PE because the class “needs to catch up” and being told to spend an hour a week of his precious after school time staring at a screen to solve maths problems. We tried it once and it did result in some anxiety so we’re skipping for now. The same curriculum has the 5yo in frustrated tears at the sheer difficulty of her numeracy homework, and thinking she’s stupid despite the fact that she writes beautifully and can draw a very realistic zombie. Cascade that same compressed curriculum up through the teens, with the regrading of the GCSEs and I’m not surprised we have some anxious children out there. Add in the pressures of social media life comparisons and cyberbullying and voila, a cocktail of teen angst. I’m no expert but I’d say that putting all the blame on “tired mothers” is a bit of a stretch.

Meanwhile, over the channel Minister for Equality Marlene Schiappa caused waves by suggesting that schools should call a child’s father when they’re ill, not their mother. She advised mothers not to give school their mobile number at all. Well. I can’t say I’m 100% with Schiappa on this one – it’s pretty common sense that whoever’s looking after your kids should have as many contact numbers as possible, in case of true emergency. But I applaud the sentiment – no, a mother should not be the one who is called out of work by default. It didn’t take long for a reaction piece to arise in HuffPost, from the founder of JoJo Maman Bebe, Laura Tenison. In it, she asked ” which mother would NOT want to be the first one to rush to the school to collect a sick child?”

I’m putting a cautious hand up here. Me. I’m that mother who would not want to be the first one to rush to the school. I’m that mother whose first reaction when a child is sick overnight is to start a furious whispered debate with Nathan about whose work day is busier the next day. I’m the mother who has Facebook-screamed as I’ve just sat down in the office, opened a full inbox and then got The Call of Doom. I’m also the mother who was on mat leave/freelance/self-employed for the best part of three years so was the default for all that time, which included Reuben’s first winter in preschool. And anyone who has experienced preschool knows the bodily-fluided nightmare that is.

It’s not just that I’m selfish. It partly is. I don’t enjoy quarantine and I certainly don’t enjoy mopping up sick and changing sheets. But it’s more than that. It’s the thing I forget after so many years of working motherhood – it’s a precarious thing. A job is hard won and easily lost and it’s stuff like taking days off to look after children that loses jobs not just for the mother involved but for mothers everywhere.

Obviously, societal change is needed but until then, us working mothers are walking a tightrope. We need to be present for our kids, especially if they’re ill., but we also need to be present for our employers. We need to work harder and faster than any other staff member to prove our worth. We need to make judgement calls about whether a toddler is ill with a virus or just teething when we make the decision about whether to leave work to pick them up or try and stall till the end of the day and the stakes are high.

It’s not our fault. Prejudice against working mothers is entrenched and discrimination is rife. I’ve been asked in job interviews how often my kids are sick. I’ve been told by someone who had several kids of his own that he just wanted someone “more flexible” doing my position. I’ve worked from home while a child has been vomiting next to me, I’ve worked on holiday and during a bereavement because we can’t afford to drop the ball. Right now, I have awesome and understanding bosses but still feel a clenching in my heart every time one of my kids has a weird clenching in their stomach.

So why do it at all? Why not take the Rantzen advice and just be happy as housewives? Well, again there are a huge variety of reasons behind why women work when they have kids. The main few I’d cover off as – a) economic reasons, although that might seem unrealistic when your salary is getting sucked up by childcare, b) career reasons, although again that might seem like a pipedream when you’re working part-time and c) sanity reasons. I’d like to somewhat belatedly say that I’m not denigrating anyone who does choose to stay at home. If that works for your family, then brilliant. It can be a wonderful thing to be with your kids as they grow up and even after they start school and you can have time for yourself. I don’t want to use my reasons for working to make anyone feel bad for not working.

Here’s the take-home though – we shouldn’t be told what to do by a third party. We shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for working or for being “housewives” (yeah, we need a better term). We should be doing what works for us, for our kids and for the family unit as a whole. What I see as perfection – a commute into Central London after drop off and before pick up – some would see as hellish. But it works for us.

And up till this week, I haven’t felt the working mother guilt for quite some time. They haven’t been ill for quite some time so I haven’t had to juggle (although there was that A&E trip in the summer). And in case you can’t tell, I feel somewhat enraged about being made to feel guilty about this. But get ragey with me – the devaluing of women’s work (i.e. it should always be the mother who fetches a sick child) is something to be enraged about. The piling of blame onto mothers for societal problems (i.e. kids are depressed and it’s their mother’s fault) is also something to be enraged about. We have come so far in terms of equality but we haven’t come far enough. It’s bad enough that there’s still a gender pay gap but it’s the unspoken pressures – which are now being spoken- that kill a mother’s career. We’ve always flexed as to what works best at the time (hence my years of self-employment) but to change because of what Sarah Vine says in the Daily Mail? No. Thanks.

Yes, we need to safeguard our kids’ mental health but don’t we also need to safeguard our own? And for that reason, I’m out. I’m not investing in this debate any more. If work works, we should work. If work doesn’t work or stops working, don’t work. Simple as that.

Posted in Rants | Tagged working | Leave a comment

Walthamstow Wetlands – 25/10/17

Posted on October 25, 2017 by katese11

In a unusual move for the LWAT family, we’re trying to keep it local this half term. The kids and I are all a bit knackered so they’ve had a couple of days watching Indiana Jones movies with Nathan and then we have some low-key outings planned. Yesterday he took them to the Better Extreme Park at the Feel Good Centre, which has changed the age rules so that Eva and Reuben can both be in the same room now (trampolining is 5+ rather than 6+ now). The bad news is that Eva was so freaked out by the safety video that she refused to do any trampolining for the first 50 minutes. When I turned up to take over for the swimming lesson carnage, she was happily bouncing away…2 minutes before the session ended. That was money well spent. Roo, on the other had, had a “awesome, awesome, awesome time” trying the Ninja Run for the first time (now 8+ rather than 13+) so it wasn’t a total waste.

Today was the start of my shift with them and we opted for another Walthamstow day out. This time to the newly opened Wetlands with Cousin Leo who is the same age as Roo and much the same mentality. There may have been some jokes about bottoms. The people on the top deck of the 123 thanked us for it.

Luckily, we didn’t have far to go on the bus and we hopped off by the Ferry Boat Inn. The Wetlands is divided into two by Forest Road/Ferry Lane but the bit with toilets and coffee is on the south side, so we decided to explore that first. The Engine House is pretty much the first thing you see as you come in from the bus or the car park. It’s an imposing sight and has been lovingly restored. More on the interior later but here’s the outside:

We followed the path round and found the first reservoir. The kids ran up and down the slope a few times then said they were tired of walking and could we have a sit down? We’d been walking for all of five minutes by then but we obliged, and sat looking out over the water at what the children called “Duck Island”:

ww2

If you look beyond Duck Island, you can see Canary Wharf (there’s something of a bird theme developing) and the Mallard…I mean the Shard. I swear I got confused about ducks on here once before.

It was blissful with the sun shining down and a gentle breeze coming off the lake. Then one of the children made an announcement that necessitated a quick walk back to Engine House, stopping only for surprise catch up with T’sMum, who was one of my chief partners-in-crime back when I was on mat leave with Eva.

So, the Engine House. It has toilets, as you might have guessed, but I was disappointed to find a lack of toilet roll in the Ladies’ and a slightly dodgy lock on the door. The lift was also out of order. But the refit has been beautifully down and this statement artwork that goes down from the mezzanine to the cafe below was absolutely stunning:

We didn’t try the cafe right then as we’d only been there for a few minutes still and there a queue that looked a bit scary. I’d like to try it some time when it’s not a sunny half term day. So we hung out on the mezzanine and the viewing gallery, playing with the screens that told the children more about the newts, birds and even snakes they could expect to see out on the wetlands.

But it was far too lovely a day to stay inside for long and we headed down the spiral staircase outside to look around the northern side. It meant that we didn’t visit the shop (which probably was a good thing) or have a bit more of a look at the display of knitted birds in the main entrance. But we did find this massive hill, which was to entertain the kids for the next hour or so.

What to do with a massive hill? If you’re Leo and Roo, run or roll down with furious abandon. If you’re Eva, roll down with extreme caution.

Roo and Leo also enjoyed having a grass fight:

And Roo built a snowman out of cut grass, which he intended to be a life-size model of me…but he ran out of enthusiasm. Still, I think he captured my general shape:

I can’t really explain how much they enjoyed just running around up and down the hill. I walked up to the top once, a bit less crazily than the boys were, and took in the views over the reservoir and towards the North Circular.

It was fast approaching caffeine o clock and we made the slow walk back towards the cafe, hoping that the queue had died down a bit. The walk was made slower by Eva’s stone collection, which weighed her down somewhat, and Roo’s insistence on tickling us all with slightly mangy feathers he found by the water’s edge. Think they may have belonged to these fellas:

So slow, in fact, that we never made it to the cafe. The Ferry Boat Inn was closer and hopefully quieter so that we could get some chips and some ice cream.

It wasn’t quieter. There was an hour wait for food so we just got mango juices and crisps and let them climb the tree in the beer garden. The curse of the sunny half term day again!

But I can’t complain. What a glorious day to be exploring a new space in our city. Look at all these pictures of skies and kids and clouds. I didn’t even need to use filters:

It’s great for kids to stretch their legs and spot wildlife and if you have a genuine toddler thing then they’ll love the views of the trains from almost every angle. It’s worth saying that dogs aren’t allowed in the wetlands because it’s a protected habitat, so Eva’s class pet Pluto sadly stayed in her rucksack the whole time we were out. Or maybe I just completely forgot to get a photo of him there. At least he made it home.

The Wetlands are currently open from 9:30am-4pm every day. More information here.

Posted in Token attempts at fresh air (parks) | Tagged cafes, coffee, East London, nature (really?!) | 1 Comment

“Power Up” at the Science Museum – 19/10/17

Posted on October 20, 2017 by katese11

Last year we went to Power Up. You might know this not just from reading this blog but also the way that Reuben’s “concentrating” face has popped up all over social media and even the print media to promote the exhibition reopening. In case you missed it, here’s the photo:

So naturally we were keen to revisit this year. There were some complicated plans to get there, which I explained to Nathan using four different colour pens to represent the four members of the family, a teenage babysitter and Uncle Wiley, our other child. All of which plans were almost scuppered by a cancelled train at Highams Park. The boys went on ahead and I made some time by running up escalators and down exhibition road, pausing only to take in the pretty lights of the Natural History Museum.

I got there to find all three boys plugged into the 16-player halo console, all wearing identical vacant expressions. Roo acknowledged me with a vague wave and then went back to shooting em up. I went to get some drinks and then persuaded him to have a bit more of a look around. We only got as far as the Minecraft area before he settled in again. That’s the “problem” with Power Up. ..it’s hard to get too far around the exhibition without getting drawn in. I suspect most people wouldn’t see that as a problem at all.

Nathan was off playing Nintendo and Roo and I went over to the Lego games, where we spent a long time trying to get C3PO picked up by a magnet so that he could open the door that R2D2 couldn’t. Roo sighed in frustration at Mummy’s complete lack of gaming skills and ended up wrestling the controller off me so he could control both. We never did open that door and even Uncle Wiley couldn’t figure it out.

Time to try something different. And the drumming games seemed to be the change we were looking for. I may not have gaming skills but I think I have a fair sense of rhythm. The scoring system for the game may not have agreed but I think we did a pretty good version of Carmen.

Before we left, I wanted to introduce Roo to a game I could play – Sonic the Hedgehog. Those hours of gaming in the 90s were not wasted as I zipped through the Green Hill Zone and he said “Wow Mum you’re really good at this” in a tone that was only mildly condescending. No matter that when I tried the versions of either side of the mega drive I did nothing but get stuck. And I’d never have passed the marble zone. But Act 1 of GHZ on the mega drive….aced it!

Nathan meanwhile was lost in his own world. …I suspect he retreated into the VR headset to avoid having to go home with me and Reuben. He would have been wise as Reuben was crazy-bouncy on the way out of the museum and then swiftly crashed on the Piccadilly Line. Ah well, it was an evening well spent. Power Up opens today and is on till 31st October. More information here.

Posted in Creating precious childhood memories or something (days out) | Tagged computer games, gaming, Science Museum, West London | 1 Comment

Suntrap Open Day – 14/10/17

Posted on October 14, 2017 by katese11

We’ve been meaning to go to Suntrap for a long time. And when I say we, I mean me. The kids have both been there on school trips and so were talking knowledgeably about the invertebrate room with all the superiority that a 5-year-old and an 8-year-old can muster. So when I saw that Suntrap were having an open day, with free shuttle buses form Chingford station…well, we were in. Nathan was off to buy a new stereo and despite not wanting to come with us, Eva saw Suntrap as a lesser evil than Currys. Roo, in contrast, was “10 out of 10 excited” to be going back to Suntrap so at least he was on board with the whole plan.

The shuttle bus from Chingford was one of those thing that sounded easier than it actually proved to be. No one quite knew whereabouts the bus would go from but a small crowd of us gathered on the main road, opposite the Station House pub and that turned out to be correct. The departure time passed and the small crowd grew bigger so I was starting to worry that we’d missed it but no, a 70-seater coach rolled up and it wasn’t long before we were cruising through the Essex countryside, enjoying the contrast of a flower-bedecked church next to a pile of mattresses. Almost before the kids starting moaning, we were at Suntrap.

he first activity the kids wanted to try was the pond dipping. There were nets and trays and microscopes, for close examination of the pond life but Eva was mainly interested in in examining her own hand:

Roo was more interested in how much pond weed he could fit into his net and dump into the tray. But he’d brought his own binoculars and notebook with him, so that showed an enquiring mind. Somehow, we managed to scoop something that looked alive and wasn’t just a fancy acorn:

Next up was the low ropes course, which was 50p for Roo and free for Eva. I’m not sure how the system was worked out but I didn’t begrudge paying for one of them. They got three lives to complete the course and Roo did it twice with no lives lost. Eva needed all three of hers but then her legs are pretty tiny.

Talking of no lives lost, I dithered for a while about letting Eva fry her own pancake over a campfire while wearing a dress that was both dangly and flammable. Eventually, I went with caution and she made pancakes in her coat and leggings. I occasionally manage something approaching good parenting. Of course, a better parent wouldn’t have let her wear a nylon fairy dress to the forest in the first place, but it seems to be all she wants to wear at the moment and I have to wrestle her into school uniform five days a week so yknow, anything for an easy weekend.

Reuben gave his pancake a thumbs up, in case you’re wondering:

Fuelled by pancakes, we went to do some crafting inside. We gathered some leaves for Eva to make an owl picture. She was very pleased with herself:

Roo struggled a bit more with his origami pigeon. It took two of us and several attempts to get anything that even vaguely resembled a bird:

Having concentrated so hard, the kids needed a runaround. We found some other HP kids and they all piled into a tree together, except Eva who chose to sit and look dramatic for a bit:

But then she piled into a tree with the rest.

We were running out of time before the 4:30 coach back to Chingford but I needed cake, so we had a quick trip to the tearoom before a bit more pond dipping and then back up to the invertebrate room. There was one last thing Reuben wanted to do before we left and I was only slightly reluctant. OK, so I was full-body-shuddering all the time but he was more than content with the “very friendly corn snake” wrapped around him like a belt.

*SHUDDER*

And on that note we headed back to semi-civilisation. Happy 50th birthday Suntrap!

Posted in Creating precious childhood memories or something (days out) | Tagged animals, cake, East London, nature (really?!), nature play | Leave a comment

“Write to Be Counted” Launch – 04/10/17

Posted on October 9, 2017 by katese11

Courtesy of Nicola Jackson at Write to Be Counted

You may know that I run a choir. What you probably don’t realise is that it’s full of multi-talented people. Not only are most of my singers busy mothers, they’re also artists and actresses, crocheters and famous shoe-complainers…and lately I discovered we have a poet amongst our ranks too.

Which is why I found myself at the Poetry Cafe, squeezing into a packed performance space with a hot cup of peppermint tea. My pet poet was reading from an anthology she’s featured in, along with several of the other writers. It’s called “Write to Be Counted” and it’s a collection of poems on the subject of human rights. Obviously that’s a massively broad topic and the poems being read that night were quite diverse in their focuses. The subject of Trump came up every so often, along with the refugee crisis. Nasrin Parvaz read about the experience of arriving in England and waking up at the immigration centre in Heathrow. John Gonhorry read a powerful poem entitled “You sit on the back row” about people passively watching current affairs and not doing anything about it. There was a poem inspired by a Georgian snuff box, a reflection on motherhood and a reminiscence about a candlelight vigil in August 1968, when the peace and love movement were starting to realise that war never would be over, however much they wanted it. These are weighty subjects but beautifully expressed and always with a glimmer of hope for the future of humanity.

The anthology is out now on Amazon and I’d encourage you to buy a copy – profits go towards an organisation that promotes free speech around the world. At times like these, when peaceful protesters get called “sons of bitches” by their President, we need free speech more than ever. Not the freedom to be arseholes to each other on the internet, but the freedom to stand up to institutionalized prejudice without losing our liberty. I’d also encourage you to pop down to the Poetry Cafe if you’re in Covent Garden – it’s a lovely little space with lots of events going on, including some for families. And it had some nice-looking cake too. Which, human rights aside, is definitely the most important thing…

Courtesy of Nicola Jackson at Write to Be Counted

Posted in Reviewing the Situation | Tagged cafes, cake, Central London, child-free, poetry | Leave a comment

The Anatomy of a SwingTrain Class

Posted on October 5, 2017 by katese11

You may wonder why I love SwingTrain so much and why I keep plugging the classes without even getting paid for it. Well, let me tell you about Beville.

Beville (not his real name) was a Boxercise instructor I encountered around ten years ago in West London, when Bob and I were on a foolhardy fitness mission. He wore lycra, he shouted a lot and made us run around a gym for six minutes at a time. We once tried a spinning class that was so tough I left halfway through, went to drink cocktails with Bob’s boss’ girlfriend and woke up at 4am on Bob’s sofa with my thigh muscles convulsing uncontrollably. It was enough to put me off exercise classes for life.

Then came Zumba and I managed a whole class without dying of exhaustion or embarrassment, though I’m far too British for all that sexy Shakira stuff. And then came SwingTrain. Like Zumba, the instructors are laid back and friendly – there’s no Beville-style yelling and to date I’ve never had to run round a gym in circles until I collapse in a heap. Plus, Charleston finger.

So what actually happens at a SwingTrain class? Well, luckily I’ve been to enough of them now to fill you in. Here’s a rough guide:

0-15mins – Warming up. This is easy. “Clap Your Hands” you say? No problem. I’ve been able to clap my hands since I was a baby. I totally have this. A quick shimmy? Some kicks? Why not? I can never have too many jazz hands.

15-30mins – Dancing time! Charleston and mambo a go-go. . I look so good, good, good when I do that swing thing. I could be on Strictly with these moves. I may be reaching my limit when it comes to jazz hands. That didn’t seem possible 15 minutes ago.

30-45mins – Woh there, push-ups? They never do that on Strictly. My teacher swears there are only 8 of them but doesn’t mention the other 24 near-push-ups after that. It confirms my belief that dancers are very good at counting up to 8 but not so good at counting past 8. Then there are some hops and now it’s me that needs to be really good at counting to 8. And 4, and 2 and 1. Luckily these are also things I’ve been able to do for quite some time. When it comes to Charleston Squats, on the other hand, it’s best to stop counting.

45-60 mins – Coming in to land. I don’t feel like dancing? Ah, maybe I do for just one more song. And then some stretches to a mildly depressing ditty about Minnie the Moocher. Nothing says “fitness goals reached” like a Dixieland funeral march.

After all that, you might have some aching muscles but you’ll have some smooth moves. Just like Eva…because my baby can dance, my baby can sway…

Posted in Reviewing the Situation | Tagged dance, SwingTrain | Leave a comment

Autumnal Times

Posted on October 3, 2017 by katese11

I’m calling it. The heating’s on and I’ve just comfort-eaten half a packet of chocolate digestives. It’s Autumn. Which traditionally means we’ll get the best weather of the year so far but just in case we don’t here are some ideas of stuff you can do with the kids. It’s a mix of things I forgot to blog about over the summer and things I keep meaning to blog about.

Firstly, here’s something new we found over the summer – the basement of the Natural History Museum. I mean, I knew it was there in theory and that there was picnicking space down there but I never realised there was a whole interactive discovery centre down there. I find the NHM a bit hands off sometimes, but this room had trays of bones, rocks and other artefacts that kids could study in as much detail as they wanted. There were tape measures and microscopes and computer factfiles to find out more about the items in the trays. It’s like schoolkid stuff rather than toddler but the three schoolkids we took certainly enjoyed it.

There’s also been a bit of a change of scene in the main entrance hall. We’re all sad about Dippy but actually, the flow of people is much easier in that space now without a giant dinosaur replica there. Pity the front doors were shut and we had to get in through the side instead. And also a pity that it was a spontaneous visit and I’d forgotten I was meant to be babysitting a friend’s child on the other side of London. We may have made a hasty exit.

Here’s another summer jaunt out – the Lego Store in Leicester Square. I meant to go there at Christmas but the queues were way too intimidating. The hype has died down a little now, so you can just walk in and gaze in wonder at the giant Lego sculptures. It was when our Young People were staying, and it was a pretty perfect thing to do with a mix of kids and teens. And if you can believe it, I got away with not spending any money. I know, I can’t quite believe it either.

And so on to some exciting things that are happening right here, right now. Not right here, obviously. All that’s happening is biscuit eating. But in London this month. Our friends at Chickenshed have been enjoying a residency at the Old Vic every Thursday in September and I’m sad to say there’s only one day left. But it’s not too late – tickets for Tales From The Shed are still available for this Thursday, 5th October. Click here for more details. Or as ever, you can catch the Chickenshedders in their usual home every Friday and Saturday till 28th October. Here’s the link for the Southgate theatre. There’s also an appearance from Chickenshed at the V&A’s Family Art Fun Day on 27th October, where parents and children can share a day of drama and art. It sounds like fun! So fun, in fact that I’ve just booked our (free) tickets. Gotta make it worthwhile taking annual leave over half term!

Talking of half term, that leads me smoothly on to the Walthamstow Children’s Festival which is taking place at Mirth, Marvel and Maud in Walthamstow, between 23rd and 27th Oct. There’s a packed programme of theatre, from “Little Maestros’ Music”, for the 0-4s, to “Captain Cauliflower and Marvin the Mischievous Moose”. See here for more details.

Credit Benjamin Ealovega, Science Museum

What’s more, the Science Museum are running “Power Up” again – the exhibition of computer gaming that I darn near lost Nathan and Roo in last year. You can check out my review here and get booking – it’s on from 20th till 31st Oct and you can find out more information here.

As ever, our old friends at Big Fish Little Fish are throwing some exciting parties in the next few weeks. They’re back at the Museum of London Docklands but that looks to have sold out already, so get booking NOW! for their November parties. They’re always fun, especially if you like glitter cannons and giant balloons, and really November’s the kind of month that needs some glitter in it. Booking link here.

There’s also fun to be had at the Institute of Imagination, who this week are hosting a “Okido Crazy Drawing Party” (8th Oct, 10-40. I have no idea what that is, but I want in. They also have one of their “Lab Life” family workshops next weekend, focussing on coding for 5-12 year olds. More details to be found here.

And something a bit whimsical to end on – it’s been a long time since I last went to the Tate Modern but the new installation looks intriguing – they’ve filled the Turbine Hall with giant swings, in what the Guardian describes as “an adult playground”. I’m sure it’s more wholesome than it sounds and I’m also pretty sure kids will be allowed to play alongside the adults. But interesting, huh? And perfect for a wander across the wobbly bridge afterwards. Obviously we haven’t visited yet, but here’s what it might look like. Only not in swimwear:

Happy Autumn!

Posted in Facts! And facts are important! | Tagged art, Central London, East London, lego, museums, music, North London, South London, swings, theatre, West London | Leave a comment

BerkoFest 2017 – 09/09/17

Posted on September 11, 2017 by katese11

berko3

This is our second year at BerkoFest and it could be said that 2016 was defined by one thing – rain. Relentless, driving rain. So you’ll be glad to see this glorious sunshine when we arrived.

Now I’m not saying it lasted all day. But we weren’t soaked to the skin this year….at least not yet. I’m writing this while watching Alabama 3 as my boy sits next to me, also engrossed in his phone. Nathan and Eva are up front dancing but Reuben’s gone a bit sulky so the two of us are stuck further, reduced to just listening to those Deep Southern grooves.

Of course if you know one thing about Albama Three, it’s that they’re not really from Alabama. They’re from Brixton. If you know a second thing, it’s probably that there aren’t three of them. Today there are four but Nathan reckons there were about eight of them when we saw them at Jamm on Brixton Rd. That was in the hazy pre-children days where we could go and see bands whenever we felt like it. Nowadays it’s not so easy, but it’s still possible. I’ll come back to Alabama 3 later but let’s start at the start.

In case you can’t guess, I am no longer perched in front of the main stage as I write this bit. So we’re going to make an awkward shift into the past tense and rewind to the first act of the day. As we walked on to the site, the words “Who the hell cares about Kasabian?” drifted across from the stage. We were intrigued. We also didn’t care much about Kasabian. The singer was Grace Petrie, a self-proclaimed leftie who hated Theresa May before it was fashionable. I liked the cut of her jib. Her set finished with a Spanish Civil War-themed singalong (thankfully not that latter-day MSP song) – if we take action today, we can “Save Tomorrow!”

And with that revolutionary spirit in our hearts, we went to do sand art. I’m not sure how Eva making a Disney princess picture is smashing either capitalism or the patriachy but ho hum. I’ve probably been kicked out of the lefties club this weekend anyway, after that whole nationalist moment on Friday night.

So back to the sand art. Hooray, it’s something that keeps Eva occupied for a full 45 minutes. I sometimes think we should get her a kit to do at home, but then I remember the inevtiable sandy mess. Best kept for festivals. Their sand art from last year is still up on their walls so it was something they were very keen to do again. Reuben made a giraffe for Eva because that’s her favourite animal (he can be sweet occasionally) and Eva made Cinderella. There’s a slight black smudge on her nose but it’s something we’ve agreed never to speak of again.

Roo had knocked the giraffe out a lot more quickly than Eva’s carefully crafted princess so he and I went for a wander. Along the way, we had a go at Splat the Rat at the Young Farmers’ stall. He didn’t splat any rats but he scored two packets of haribo, so was pretty happy with that. Under some pressure, he gave one to Eva. See, I told you he was only sweet occasionally. Then the first rain shower of the day started and so we dived back under the cover of the Sand Art gazebo to wait it out while Eva perfected her princess.

Next, we ducked into the beer tent for the kids to have a sandwich and were entertained there by the sweet sounds of Lucy Mair, harmonising with herself through a loop pedal. As she was singing, the next rain storm broke and suddenly the tent was rather fuller than before. The horizontal rain created a bonus crowd for Lucy but what Robin Ince described as a “health and safety nightmare” on the main stage. Still, he said he’d chatted to Thor and Odin and from now on the rain would only happen between bands, not during them. That’s one ominous looking sky though:

It was time for John Power, and the first episode of “keeping the kids still while Mummy and Daddy listen to music”. As challenging as it sounds. They lay on the grass for a bit in a catatonic state, but Eva eventually perked up and had a dance at the front with the other children:

This is the sum of stuff I know about John Power. Cast were one of those bands that fell on the oasis side of the blur/oasis divide so I’ve always classed them as one of my brother’s type of bands (he was oasis, I was blur). And there was that whole thing in Southampton in 1999 where someone who now calls himself Akira the Don made some offensive t-shirts about him. And I know that his speaking voice is a lot like John Lennon’s, which is unsurprising when you realise they went to the same school. I knew he’s been in the La’s and I had a vague awareness he’d had a solo career. But that’s pretty much it. So I didn’t have too many expectations.

It was a good set though. He started with what sounded like solo material and then played the familiar opening to “Sandstorm”. I can’t remember exactly what followed but I recognised a lot of the old Cast singles – “Fine Time”, “Guiding Star”, “Alright”, “Walk Away”. The sun shone throughout and we had a good singalong, even if Reuben was still lying on the grass.

Time to perk them up a bit. We’d never had churros before but I figured that doughnuts rolled in sugar and dipped in chocolate might be just the energy boost they needed. And it worked. Which brings us back to Alabama 3, with Roo sitting playing Minecraft, Eva on Nathan’s shoulders and the band giving the children advice on which super-strength lager to drink.

Wait, what?

Yup folks Alabama 3 are in the house and Berkofest’s no-swearing-on-stage rule seems to been tossed out of the fast-moving car on Coldhabour Lane. Presumably next year, there’ll be an additional rule about not giving kids cans of Red Stripe, as A3 did at the end of the set. Or talking about how “drink responsibly” labels are pointless when you’re drinking Strongbow. Or telling everyone how stoned you are. They’re outrageous but I love em.

At some point, I abandoned my sulky son so I could actually watch the band. It was an acoustic set and at times descended into freestyle acapella rapping but they played most of the hits, including Sopranos theme “Woke Up this Morning” and a joyous version of “Old Purple Tin”. I heard “U Don’t Dans 2 Tekno” while accompanying small children to the portaloos but the good thing about Berkofest is that you can still hear the music wherever you are, so I was tapping my foot in time as I was pumping water for Eva’s hands. Eva had earlier got hold of A3’s mic for a brief moment as they were passing it around the children at the front, but she got stage fright and ran away. In a really bizarre way, it was a very family friendly show. And that seems a good note to end on – thanks once again Berkofest. It’s been fun.

Posted in Creating precious childhood memories or something (days out) | Tagged music, outside London | Leave a comment

Een Nederlands Avontuur Part 2

Posted on September 4, 2017 by katese11

It seems a long time ago now, but there was a time we were on holiday at Center Parcs de Kempervennen, just a few kilometres into the Netherlands. It was a roasting hot day when we arrived, so we decided to go straight to the beach. It wasn’t a real beach – Kempervennen is a long way from the sea – but it was sandy and on a lake, so it was all you needed. And a swim in the lake was what I needed after many hot hours in the car.

What we probably didn’t need was an overly friendly goat trying to eat our sandwiches. Several overly friendly goats in fact:

They scored a half eaten sandwich that, at one point, had belonged to Eva and she wasn’t fussed on finishing. It had a kind of cured meat in it that I thought was chorizo, but I later found to be ossenworst – a raw beef sausage that’s something of a dutch delicacy. Probably why it wasn’t a big hit with Eva but let’s not dwell on the weirdness of goats eating raw cow. Suddenly Roo’s goat fear seems entirely justified.

The next morning didn’t seem like beach weather but luckily there was a great wet-weather alternative – the Aquamondo complex. For those who are unfamiliar with Centre Parks lingo – like we were – it’s a swimming pool with a wave machine, flumes, rapids slide, children’s activity pool, outdoor pool and jacuzzis. For those of you unfamiliar with Eva, she has a number of irrational phobias which now include rapids slides and jacuzzis. Sigh. But after Nathan took Roo on the rapids slide and Roo told me he’d “nearly drowned” I was quite glad that Eva didn’t want to go on it. I took Roo on the rapids slide too and it was hairy in parts but I hung on to him and his head generally stayed above the water. The compulsory Centre Parks lifejackets definitely helped the kids not to drown though. We went to the Aquamondo every day and by the end of the week, Roo was swimming on his own with the help of his jacket and even Eva was bobbing up and down in the outdoor pool without any support. She’s still scared of jacuzzis though. Sigh again.

It wasn’t like we did nothing but swim though. On the second day we took a pedalo out on the lake, with Eva whining and moaning for almost every second of it. Turns out she’s scared of swan-shaped pedalos too. Moaning aside, it was pleasant to be out there on the lake, watching the pond skaters ably skimming the water and the water skiiers not-so-ably skimming the water. We also did a spot of pirate-themed bowling and Roo really fuelled his taste for gun violence with what he called an “awesome” game of laser tag.

On the last day, I decided we needed to go out and see the countryside surrounding Kempervennen. Again, there was some complaining from the troops. They didn’t want to leave the safe confines of Centre Parks. And Centre Parks didn’t want us to leave, either. Google Maps had told us that there was a village a few minutes’ walk away where we could get an offsite coffee and be able to say that we’d actually taken the kids to The Netherlands, rather than just to International Centre Parks Land. But could we get to the village? No. There was a fence everywhere we tried and one very locked gate. The only way was to walk right round to our car park and drive out the official way. Which meant we might as well go to the nearest town, Valkenswaard.

Eva still wasn’t convinced that there was any point to this expedition and there was some some background grumbling as we wandered through a market and past some interesting churches. She perked up a little when we saw a jazz band playing near the sweetie stall but she probably needed some sugar to cheer her up. We’d spotted a cafe called “Brownies and Downies” but were a little unsure what – this being the Netherlands – those brownies might contain. At this point, Google intervened. “Are you at Brownies and Downies?” it asked, somewhat intrusively, and provided a number of user reviews, which both reassured me re the child-friendliness of the brownies and explained what “Downies” meant. Turned out the cafe had a policy of employing staff who were neuro-diverse and “Downies” was a slightly un-PC reference to the staff with Down Syndrome. Not what I’d call a cafe but you gotta applaud the concept.

And the brownies were damn good too. I had the caramel and sea salt and both the boys had the white chocolate blondies. Eva had an apple tart, which she obviously didn’t finish, but it had had the desired effect of perking her up. She loved the garden of the cafe and we went out to look at the fishes in the fish pond. The cafe was in what seemed to be a converted house, which gave it a lovely cosy vibe and I even managed to order in Dutch. With plentiful pointing. A successful outing.

Sadly, the next morning was our time to leave Kempervennen. We had a long journey, so fuelled up at the Evergreen restaurant’s all you can eat breakfast buffet. Reuben was overjoyed to have as much red meat and juice as he could handle, and Eva was thrilled to have a breakfast that contained both sausages and sprinkles. At 10Euro for adults and 7 Euro for kids, it wasn’t bad value either and meant we didn’t need to eat again till Calais.

Because yes, we made it back to Calais. Three hours driving straight through, with only a brief stop for petrol and a little snarly traffic around Antwerp. There were happy times, when the sun was shining and we were on fast, straight roads and there were unhappy times, when torrential rain all but blinded us and we crawled along between HGVs. But we made it with an hour to spare before we even needed to start queuing for the ferry. We celebrated with Coke and Pommes Frites and then I made the family walk out of the terminal to set foot on French soil, again just so that we could say we did. There was no time to actually explore Calais but we did walk round a roundabout a few times and walk as far as the bridge that marked the edge of the port. I know how to show my kids a good time.

And then, we were homeward bound. We weren’t so lucky on the British stretch of the journey, with a confusing few turns around Port of Dover before getting stuck for hours at Dartford. Not the best end to the holiday but it was a great adventure overall. Despite everything I’ve said about Eva complaining, she did enjoy the holiday and Centre Parks is well set up for families, with pretty much everything we needed onsite albeit at a price. Driving abroad was scary at times but it was fun too and saved us a ton on airfares. And it meant we could stop at the Marias too, which is always a bonus. If you fancy a similar break, have a look here for all the information you could ever want. Happy holidays!

Posted in Creating precious childhood memories or something (days out) | Tagged Abroad, animals, holidays, swimming | Leave a comment