Ever feel like doing something ridiculously touristy, even though it’s in your own city? Well VK did. On our long walk to see “Hamilton” in May, she had spotted the Afternoon Tea Bus and thought it looked like a very whimsical thing to do. You know how that kid loves whimsy. So when I had a bit of half-term annual leave and some Clubcard Rewards to spend, I thought it might be time for us to hop onboard.
The first challenge was to find the bus and, when we did, the location was far from whimsical. We had got the tube to Victoria so we walked through the station, up the escalators into the Mall and then out the other side. The bus stop was pretty much just over the road from that back entrance of the station but it was a giant dark garage really.
The bus itself was pretty though! And we were let onboard very quickly, to sit amid the flowers and fake ceiling roses for our tea. We’d booked the lower deck but got a free upgrade to the top deck, which was where most of the other parties were seated too.
I bet you’re wondering about the logistics of this whole “tea on a moving vehicle” thing aren’t you? Well, so was I. The answer was cable ties. The cake stand was cable tied down to the drinks holder, which was bolted on to a small table in front of us. We had places to put our drinks, a plate for scones and space for sandwiches.
Incidentally, if you notice that I usually go for dairy-free options, you might also wonder what I did for an afternoon tea. The answer is that I didn’t ask them to make any changes and fully embraced a bit of a dairy binge. It’s not necessarily something I’d recommend that others do but I only have a mild intolerance, rather than anything serious. So please don’t take dietary advice from me.
Anyway, it was good and I have no regrets. Well, barely any.
We did ask for vegetarian sandwiches for VK, which were provided and largely ignored. Inevitable when there’s more exciting fare on offer. On her plate, there was a jam sandwich, one with chocolate spread, a cheese sandwich and a cucumber sandwich. I took her cheese and had it along with a cheese and ham sandwich (I’ve been cheese deprived for a long time, OK??) and a chicken caesar wrap. The egg and salmon sandwiches sadly did not fulfil their destiny.
The route took us past St James Park tube, around Parliament Square and across Westminster Bridge before going behind County Hall and all the way along the South Bank to London Bridge. Look, here’s VK waving to her father’s office even though her father was working from our lounge in Highams Park. I have a feeling that we were doing the route in reverse, based on the map on the website and the fact that we saw another Afternoon Tea bus passing us in the opposite direction. It also explains why the commentary – which only came on intermittently – said we were entering the City of London when we were leaving it and approaching Trafalgar Square when we’d just been around it. But I’m sure no one else was keeping tabs on these things. Most of the time, the bus was just playing feelgood party tunes (ABBA, Shania Twain, Bon Jovi) so we sang along to those rather than wondering who designed St Paul’s Cathedral.
Don’t come for me for that last comment – we know the answer already. VK did a whole musical about the Great Fire of London in Year 2 and very dramatic it was too. We’ve even been to Pudding Lane which, as every Year 2 child knows, is where the fire started.
As for the refreshments, it was all good. We had a choice of cold drinks and hot drinks, with cold drinks served on the first half of the route and hot drinks on the second half. I can’t remember all the options but I had an apple juice Mimosa for my cold drink and an English Breakfast tea for my hot drink. VK chose apple juice and hot chocolate. We even got to keep the cups!
As you might have discerned from my St Pauls picture, we turned left at the top of London Bridge and went along Cannon Street, skirting the edge of Bank Junction. Because I was on annual leave, I felt obliged to send my boss a “wooo, you’re in the office and I’m eating cake” message as we passed by. He clearly appreciated it.
We stopped for a long time on Fleet Street, for reasons which weren’t entirely clear, but then went along the Strand, round the aforementioned Trafalgar Square and back towards Victoria. VK and I were playing a little game as we went, which was to spot theatres we’d been to recently – obviously Victoria Palace was an easy starter but we also passed the National Theatre, Unicorn Theatre The Globe, Duchess Theatre, Theatre Royal, Drury Lane and skimmed quite close to The KitKat Club. We didn’t fully see all these theatres but we went close by and it’s not a bad count, considering we didn’t pass through Orphans’ Row at all.
I almost forgot to tell you about the cakes, which would have been remiss of me. There was a macaron each, a mini cupcake, a brownie and a little fruit tartlette as well as the scone. It wasn’t huge amounts but I’m not sure I could have coped with more sugar than that while in motion. Pretty much everything apart from the mimosa had dairy in it. AND IT WAS GOOD.
So a fun novelty of a day out. I paid entirely on Clubcard vouchers as I’m not sure I would have paid real money for a tour of the city I’ve lived in all century. I’m pretty sure that VK was the only passenger onboard who was born in London and had lived inside the M25 their entire life….but hey, there’s always something new to see even when you’ve lived here for ages. Like a whole shop full of saxophones near Southwark tube. Or the tiny bus-only lane outside the Park Plaza Waterloo that I’d never driven down before. We do like to find curiosities where we can. And tomorrow it’s back to school and work, so I’m sure we’ll miss the days of carefree tea and cake…!
For tickets and more info, click here.
