Now, I didn’t mean to make this holiday into two posts as it was really quite a straightforward week of lounging about. But turns out I can write a lot of words about that BAU lounging without getting on to the more chaotic and/or memorable bits that might be of interest to a wider audience. Fascinating as I’m sure you’d all found my cocktail list, it’s time to move on. Before I start listing ice cream flavours (Cream flavour? Who knew?)
Anyway, part of the Jet2 experience is that you get a rep who talks to you enthusiastically about excursions. We failed to make the appointment on our first day because…well, I can’t remember why. But we’d been at 2am the day before and life was still a bit hazy round the edges. But we had the brochure we’d been given on the coach and we had a few days out that we liked the look of. So, I tried WhatsApping the Jet2 team with some basic questions, like what age a “child” ticket would be for.
AI came back to me with some answers. Not necessarily the answers to my questions but answers nonetheless. Like “The child’s age is typically specified in the accommodation description page, and the child’s age on the date of return must not exceed the specified age.”
Err, thanks. Eventually, we gave up and just booked the excursions we wanted directly without the further help of the Jet2bot or any further funds going to buy him new diodes. Sorry, not in the Jet2 spirit, I know.
The first excursion was to Siam Park, which was a water park around 1km from the hotel. I looked at the route on Google Maps and couldn’t quite work out how to navigate the dual carriageway between the hotel and park on foot. So we found a taxi, which delivered us there for a mere 6Euros. I was a bit apprehensive about the whole thing because VK wasn’t a swimmer but it looked like there were options which would be safe for her. And also sealions, which everyone loves. The puppies of the sea!
Having pre-booked meant we could go almost straight in, despite the crowd at the gate and some confusing “VIP only” signage. It’s called Siam Park because it’s modelled on Thailand but “Born in the USA” blaring over the speakers ruined the illusion somewhat.
The good thing is, tho – sealions as soon as you walk in:
Aww, aren’t they just bebbies?
The other good thing is that the whole site is densely covered in trees, to emulate the jungle. That means that the paths between different areas are shady and don’t get too hot, even in the midday sun.
We headed first for the Coco Beach area, to find some lockers and relax a bit in the wave pool. The lockers part was more complicated than anticipated as none of them had keys in, so I thought they were all taken. But it turns out you need to pay for a key at the desk and then you can have it for the day. For a princely 10Euros. I’ll never complain about the price of the Legoland ones again.
The wave pool was a hit though, and there were loos and a snack bar nearby so we could have easily spent most of the day there. Roo was after some excitement tho, so we headed on.
On the way to excitement, we found Sawasdee, which I think was intended for tiny children but the un-tiny ones had a quick slide anyway. There’s a traffic light system for the rides, where Green is suitable for all, Amber more challenging and Red for the adrenaline rides. It was evident at the start of each ride what was what but it didn’t have the same coding on the map, which made life a little difficult. Roo wanted to try at least one Amber but VK was sticking to Green. Which was all fine but meant quite a lot of wandering around trying to suss out what was what.
We settled on the Mai Thai River as a ride which would probably be fine for all – it was billed as relaxing, so wouldn’t be too scary for the non-swimmer and we could go in a double ring to keep her close by. The queue was long but moved fast and we barely had time for one round of “obscure characters from Les Mis Guess Who” before we were at the front. Then it all got a bit hectic, trying to find places to put our shoes and phones and potentially find a life jacket for VK as well as sort out who was going in which ring. It wasn’t helped by the man running the ride shouting at me: “Lady! Pick up a ring and go!”
And when I say, “wasn’t helped”, I mean it was a near disaster. Nathan and I ended up in the double ring, drifting away down the river while VK – not famed for her love of being rushed or shouted at – was struggling to get into a single. It was far from relaxing.
Luckily she hadn’t had time to take her hat off so we could spot her from a distance and, after a while, it seemed like she was sorted. So I tried to relax and enjoy the ride but it was an anxious one, knowing that the non-swimming, panic-attack-prone child was miles behind us. And the ride itself seemed a bit chaotic, with frequent bottlenecks and rings trying to barge past each other.
Towards the end, a lifeguard intervened and sent Nathan and I down the fast lane while others were funnelled into a queue. We reached the end and got out, looking around for the kids. We swiftly found Reuben but where was VK?
I said this was a near-disaster earlier and I’m trying to keep it light so I’ll tell you now that the child was eventually found, mostly unharmed and only briefly dunked in the river. And I say this because I don’t really want to relive the bit between us emerging from the river and the point at which the four of us were finally reunited. After some running around, we established that a) VK was stuck in the queue, b) that the queue was for a conveyer belt that took the riders upwards and c) that the downwards bit was a fast-moving waterslide that almost certainly wasn’t suitable for a non-swimmer. In the confusion, Nathan ended up with all the phones so even after he had managed to intervene and pluck her from the water before the slide, there was no way for him to contact me or Reuben.
Trust me, that brief summary IS the skimmed-over version as the whole thing took about 45 minutes. Not that I’d know cause I didn’t have a phone. But I asked someone the time in the middle of the panic and piecing it all together from photos before and after, 45 minutes is about right.
Which is a long time to wonder whether your secondborn has been drowned or not. Anyway, she returned to us and we headed back to Coco Beach for some restorative fries and slushies. I could have done with something a heck of a lot stronger at that point, to be honest, but made do with a 7up which didn’t have any syrup in it….so just fizzy water. Then more lounging in the wave pool and more guessing of the ABC characters before any of us could even contemplate any more excitement.
What he had in mind was one of the Amber rides – the Naga Racers. This was basically a massive set of slides that riders go down headfirst on mats. Rather him than me. I left Nathan and VK in the gentle surrounds of The Lost City waterplay area and sat down in the shade while Roo queued. I think he was gone for around 30 minutes but not in the panic-inducing way that VK had been gone. I looked up just in time to see him whizzing down and, while he enjoyed it, he wasn’t keen to do it again. Instead, he went back to the Mai Thai River for a calmer ride than before and I joined Nathan and VK on deckchairs in the shade.
This probably doesn’t sound like a full day’s itinerary but by this point, the closing time was approaching. I bought some spring rolls at the little cafe near Naga Racers and some crisps and drinks for the kids and then we briefly stopped by Siam Beach before heading back to Coco Beach to pick up our things. I don’t think we made the most of our day, and the panic in the middle certainly threw us off course but both kids said there were things they’d enjoyed so it wasn’t a complete write off.
Plus, we saw the sealions again on the way out. And we found our way back across the dual carriageway so saved a few Euros on the cab. Hooray!
