A Few Words from Inside

Last week, I was watching Roo play Fortnite and he was standing under a wooden platform, using a chainsaw to cut through each of the pillars that were holding it up. I thought it was a daft thing to do because there’s only one way that was going to end but what I didn’t realise is that a week later, all my pillars would be sawn through just as brutally and the fallout would be just as messy. We all have our support systems that maintain our sanity, whether that be routine, freedom, fresh air, socialising or any of the other things that are no longer readily available. To lose them all at once is challenging.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand why this needs to happen. We are doing what needs to be done. But that doesn’t make it less painful. Birth is a necessary process to get a baby out of a woman but no-one can deny that it’s a painful process and has weeks of pain afterwards, whichever way it happens. As a country, we are in that painful labour right now and there’s no epidural and no anaesthetic available. Oh, and no foreseeable end.

When I started this blog, it was to reassure myself and other new mothers that our lives weren’t over. That we had the freedom of the city and that having a baby wasn’t a kind of prison sentence that restricted us to within our own four walls. I encouraged us all to get outside and see things and be part of society. That’s not going to be possible for a while and society when we do join together again is going to look different. We’re going to have to re-learn how to interact with each other.

I had a different kind of post in mind, one that would cheer everyone up and inspire you with fun things to do at home. That might follow. But for now, I don’t have any words of inspiration because I’m struggling to find my own sense of self in all this. The things that define me – my job, my choir, my church activities – are all only just within my grasp and the role that I’m perhaps least-suited to – parenting – is now my full-time and relentless responsibility. Every family finds their own way to co-exist and ours has always involved a lot of being out in the world and mixing with other people. Maybe these next few months will show us what we’re really made of but we have to be prepared for that to be an uncomfortable process.

Stay safe folks, stay in touch. I promise some positivity soon.